How do you make time for friends, family, and dating while getting your career off the ground?

Hey Shireen,

Can you write about balancing work with having a life? How do you make time for friends, family, and dating while getting your career off the ground?

Johnny Y., Age 26*

*Names and identifying details changed to maintain confidentiality

Dear Johnny,

Wow - what a deceptively short question! Balancing work and life is definitely a hot topic especially as our lives become busier and busier.

Sigmund Freud wrote about the importance of balancing work, love and play. Work means doing something productive and fulfilling, love means family, friends and other important relationships, play means having activities or hobbies that we enjoy. When there is a huge disparity in any of these areas we are more prone to depression or anxiety. Balancing these areas is more than just a hot topic, it is necessary for our mental health.

Here are a few tips in maintaining balance in these three important areas:

1) The goal is not to maintain perfect balance, the goal is to maintain mental flexibility so that in times where one area must take the forefront, you are able to manage the stress that goes along with it.

2) Time management is key: it's unrealistic to think that your schedule will always be consistent, however it is in your hands to make sure that there's some reflection of work, love and play at all times. For example, setting aside time to have dinner, coffee, or even a 10 minute phone call with a friend when you're feeling particularly overwhelmed by work.

3) Prioritize: What are your personal and professional goals? Do you want to be the professional whose life is his/her job? What do you ideally envision your life looking like, within the realities of your chosen profession? Are you making time to develop your personal goals while working on your professional goals? There are plenty of people who get married during medical school so it's not an anomaly to be focusing on your personal and professional goals at the same time.

4) Reality Check: It's easy to get overwhelmed by professional or personal demands at certain periods of your life. Take a step back and do a reality check: Is this feeling of imbalance something that will naturally resolve itself overtime? For example, are you stressed because you're studying for the Bar Exam? Time limited periods of stress like studying for an exam, being in a graduate program, preparing for a major conference, are made easier if you look at it like running a marathon. Pace yourself, take small breaks if needed, and keep in mind that the end is in sight.

Shireen

Why are parties SO stressful?

Dear Shireen,

Lately I've been finding going out to parties really stressful. While I'm at the party I have fun and I enjoy myself. By the end of the evening, if I haven't spoken to a guy, or if nobody has gotten my number, I feel like I haven't accomplished anything. I've also begun to stress out when I don't go to a party. Like if I can't go for whatever reason, I worry that I might be missing the chance to meet "the one." Is this normal?

Holly F., age 27*

*Ages and identifying details have been changed to maintain confidentiality.

Dear Holly,

This kind of stress only seems to be "normal" in our community. Theoretically parties are a great place to meet people, to date or otherwise. They're also an opportunity to have fun with friends, relax, and enjoy yourself. However, between getting your hair done, your nails manicured, looking good and making sure you're not spending too much time talking to any one guy, parties have the potential of being just as stressful for single women as they are fun.

While parties are a great way to meet people, they're certainly not the only way. If you're stressed about whether or not you're meeting someone at the party, you run the risk of giving off the desperate vibe, which is not particularly attractive on anyone.

It is also okay to not go to every party. The fear of missing out on the opportunity to meet "the one" is more reflective of your own anxieties about meeting someone.

For many women there is so much build up that goes into attending a party that the party almost becomes a gage by which we measure our self-worth, our attractiveness, and whether we're seen as being "worthy" of dating. The focus on validating your self-worth can also take away from critical skills you need when trying to find out if a guy is someone you would like to date.

Rather than focus on parties as a vehicle for meeting a potential life partner, give yourself a break and just focus on enjoying yourself for now. Talk, flirt, dance . . . enjoy yourself! If you're focusing on living in the moment, you won't have time to be stressed. So go have fun . . . who knows what can happen and who you might meet? And if you don't meet someone, at least you achieved your goal to just have a good time with friends.

Shireen

Do you need help navigating the Persian Jewish world? Let me be your GPS!

How often have you asked a friend for advice, desperate for their opinion, only to have the following situations occur:

1) Their the advice doesn't apply to your situation
2) Your friend didn't really understand what you were asking
3) Your friend doesn't know the answer.

This page provides a culturally sensitive opinion by a licensed mental health professional with experience dealing with the challenges of our community.

So, whether you're Persian, Jewish, Persian AND Jewish, or just Persian Jewish friendly, and have questions that need answers, feel free to e-mail me your questions at shireenoberman@gmail.com, or click Therapist 90212and I'll respond on this page.

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DISCLAIMER: This page does not replace the benefits of ongoing psychotherapy.  It's purpose is to provide an unbiased, culturally sensitive, professional opinion.