Why are parties SO stressful?

Dear Shireen,

Lately I've been finding going out to parties really stressful. While I'm at the party I have fun and I enjoy myself. By the end of the evening, if I haven't spoken to a guy, or if nobody has gotten my number, I feel like I haven't accomplished anything. I've also begun to stress out when I don't go to a party. Like if I can't go for whatever reason, I worry that I might be missing the chance to meet "the one." Is this normal?

Holly F., age 27*

*Ages and identifying details have been changed to maintain confidentiality.

Dear Holly,

This kind of stress only seems to be "normal" in our community. Theoretically parties are a great place to meet people, to date or otherwise. They're also an opportunity to have fun with friends, relax, and enjoy yourself. However, between getting your hair done, your nails manicured, looking good and making sure you're not spending too much time talking to any one guy, parties have the potential of being just as stressful for single women as they are fun.

While parties are a great way to meet people, they're certainly not the only way. If you're stressed about whether or not you're meeting someone at the party, you run the risk of giving off the desperate vibe, which is not particularly attractive on anyone.

It is also okay to not go to every party. The fear of missing out on the opportunity to meet "the one" is more reflective of your own anxieties about meeting someone.

For many women there is so much build up that goes into attending a party that the party almost becomes a gage by which we measure our self-worth, our attractiveness, and whether we're seen as being "worthy" of dating. The focus on validating your self-worth can also take away from critical skills you need when trying to find out if a guy is someone you would like to date.

Rather than focus on parties as a vehicle for meeting a potential life partner, give yourself a break and just focus on enjoying yourself for now. Talk, flirt, dance . . . enjoy yourself! If you're focusing on living in the moment, you won't have time to be stressed. So go have fun . . . who knows what can happen and who you might meet? And if you don't meet someone, at least you achieved your goal to just have a good time with friends.

Shireen